For the 50th effing time, I am NOT a spider.

What has eight legs and isn't poisonous?

We all know That Guy. The discussion will be about some obscure topic of which we all know a little and most of us are pretending to know a lot. Suddenly, That Guy will begin his comment with, "Technically speaking..."

What follows is That Guy telling us something that, while factually correct, nobody gives a flip about. Furthermore, it cements his reputation as 'that guy' since he was only telling us, not to add new information to the conversation, but to remind us about his wide knowledge of minutiae (such as words like minutiae).

For example:
First Interesting Guy: Man, there was this huge ass spider in my room this morning. I swear it was trying to steal my iPhone it was so big.
Second Interesting Guy: That creeps me out. Was it poisonous?
First Interesting Guy: Naw, it was a daddy longlegs.
That Guy: Technically speaking, daddy longlegs aren't spiders, they are harvesters. While they belong to the class Arachnida, harvestmen are in the order Opiliones; therefore they are not spiders, which are members of the order Araneae. (thanks Wikipedia for some help with this dialogue)

From a biological perspective, That Guy is completely correct. From a conversational aspect, he's a complete A-wipe. The only information First Guy was trying to relay was that he had a large and unexpected visitor with eight legs, not two unexpected visitors with four legs each or four armed little people. Second Guy was concerned about First Guy's safety, thus inquiring about the potentially poisonous nature of said visitor once ascertaining that the threat wasn't from a gang of Oompaloompas.

We aren't opposed to a little arcane knowledge. We've used our fair share in articles on this web site. It's the subtle spice we use to liven up otherwise dreary topics such as the continuing lack of wind. However, our purpose usually is to further a topic rather than to remind you of how much we know. Usually.

A few weeks ago, we were engaging in our favorite local sport on the forum - no, not windsurfing - whining about the wind when Marek said:

"Atlanta has been going from least windy in US to least windy on the planet this season."

Few of us would disagree with this sentiment. After all, this is Atlanta: Where Wind Goes to Die™. Marek was sharing his frustration with the lack of recent sailing days although, traditionally, this is the windier part of the year. Perhaps its only our version of "the grass is greener on the other side" concept. It seems to be blowing more elsewhere no matter the season.

We alluded to it not long ago when speaking of wind generated power. Generally, the Southeast (that includes us) is seen as a poor market because we just don't have that much wind.

Here is a national map showing average wind speed. It wouldn't surprise anyone that we live in the area of the lighter colors. Therefore, Marek's assertion would seem to hold true. Or, to put it another way, the wind pretty much sucks here.

Technically speaking, however, it doesn't. Technically speaking, Atlanta is not the least windy town in the U.S. We're not even the least windy city in Georgia. We're not even close. According to historical data, we rank as the 146th least windy city in the US.

This is only the 146th least windy place in the US.

Okay, I can see hands going up already wanting to make the same point: observations at Hartsfield (Atlanta airport) tend to be notoriously high, especially in the summer. It's a very open, flat area at or above other local geographic features. Plus, we all suspect it's a passing Boeing 767 that spins the cups on their anemometer some days. Whatever breeze they have down in Hapeville ain't happening anywhere else. Besides, it's a long way from Hapeville to Flowery Branch.

Athens, GA is as close to Lake Lanier, a reasonable proxy (Gainesville isn't listed) and it ranks 59th. We're sure that is closer to your intuition but at this point you must be asking the obvious question: What place could possibly have less wind than us?

1. Oak Ridge, TN
2. Talkeetna, AK
3. Medford, OR
4. Mount Shasta, CA
5. McGrath, AK
6. Fairbanks, AK
7. Bristol-Johhnson City, TN

Spreadsheet for the analytically inclined: Excel, Open/Libre Office

If you are located at the foot of a mountain, especially in a valley, chances of wind are pretty slim. Being in Alaska, surprisingly, doesn't hurt either.

Okay, we get it. Erect a thousand foot wind barrier next to our wind gauge and we get predictable results. So, which more flatland locations rank above us?

Phoenix, AZ comes in at no. 17. Tallahassee, FL is 19 (before you stick out your tongue at Shell Point, they get sea breezes that don't reach inland and counted here). Augusta is the highest ranked Georgia city at no. 27.

So, technically speaking, we aren't the worst place in Georgia, the US or the planet for wind.

But, it sure feels that way.

Do the Daddy Longlegs by the Wiggles

(For the hardcore explorers of new music)
From NYC's disco revival scene, Walking the Midnight Streets. Nice nod to Radiohead at the end.