Predictions
This is the time of year when pundits like ourselves get out the cristal cojone de cristal and peer into the future. We were going to say the "crystal ball" but we're striving to be multi-cultural and that's what Google Translate gave us, we think.
The more organized pundits get articles like this out before the beginning of the year but we are the sort that have had years where Christmas cards morphed into New Years cards and then into Ground Hog Day cards. Our relatives are very impressed that we send pictures of our kids, Junior and Juniorette, out for Ground Hog Day. The lack of a Christmas card is usually blamed on the Postal Service, our dogs or other forces beyond our control.
What? What, you say? Are we exhibiting the classic sign of advancing age, dating our checks with the previous year well into spring? No, not this time. These really are our predictions for 2012, albeit, a little late.
The quadrennial sporting spectacle of the Olympics has never been that kind to windsurfing. Very often, even when the Games are held in a spot that may have decent breezes, Olympic windsurfing has all the drama and excitement of grass growing in the Sahara. Beijing was a big snooze fest and even though London is supposed to have a better chance of wind, we imagine that it will coincide with the annual two weeks of the English Summer Heatwave. Spectators will have trouble figuring out whether they are watching windsurfing or a Christo art installation.
The ISAF, recognizing that windsurfing has all the appeal of watching brussel sprouts steam, pulls it from the Olympics in favor of the Optimist Dinghy. The Opti is one of the world's largest sailing classes, inexpensive, completely one design and has probably the best youth program world-wide of any sailing class. They can be sailed anywhere in almost any wind. For once, the ISAF sides with practicality over pizzaz.
A sensible choice
Windsurfing has clearly hit a performance wall and it will take a long time before 50 knots is broken, if ever. The limitations of design mean that there is little upside to windsurfing in terms of speed. There is only so much counter force even a heavy windsurfer can exert against the sail and the bigger the sailor, the bigger the aerodynamic drag.
Traditional sailboats don't have much better of a chance. Hydroptere is fast but it's like a Union Pacific locomotive going 120 mph.
Two steam trains
Some had hopes for a non-traditional design like SailRocket but who can forget this attempt?
A sensible choice
Pardon the irony but we don't think this design will ever get off the ground.
No incumbent president has ever been re-elected with an unemployment rate of over 8% and this election will prove no exception. Two Georgians, Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich, will vie for the Republican nomination against Obama. Early favorite, Mitt Romney, will drop out of the race to support his wife's Olympic campaign. Cain, in a stunning upset, becomes our second black president. Georgia is now the home of two US presidents, a white Democrat and a black Republican, thus, confounding all sorts of stereotypes and conventional wisdom.
Congress, in a conciliatory mood after Cain's victory, quickly passes fiscal and tax reform with bi-partisan support.
Kitesurfing surges to new popularity after Justin Bieber takes up the sport on vacation. More accurately, he's kitesurfing with Selena Gomez like this young woman did with Richard Branson a few years ago. We will be very impressed that the petite Ms. Gomez can carry the Biebs on her back.
We knew you wanted a picture of Biebs kiting and we delivered.
... but interrupts Taylor Swift's SUP lesson to tell everyone why windsurfing is better.
Can't wait for the song she writes after she falls off this board.
In related news, Kim Karadashian will take up paddleboarding. In unrelated news, Green Peace will unexpectedly donate seventy spear guns to a Japanese whaler operating off Miami.
Look at Dat SUP!
Nikki Minaj takes up windsurfing and pigs fly.
Does this mean that Nikki has an annual Lanier parking pass?
... for the first time since 1998. Of course, it is at Hatteras which means we are unable to replicate the feat upon returning to Lake Lanier. Once again, this proves the adage: "A hero in Avon is a kook in Flowery Branch."
Everyone is a hero in Hatteras. Tim Carter Ducks. He, though, can do this anywhere. Photo: Alan Sloman
Seven Mayans make the long trip from Southern Mexico and enter the 34th Annual Fall Classic, sweeping the Open categories and placing well in Sport Fleet behind Bill H. The Charleston boys, after taking home silverware (trophies) like clockwork for years, feel like it's the end of the world.
Chris Voith will travel to Seneca, S.C. to get a starting gun for the regatta after the great kazoo experiment of 2011 failed magnificently. The first starting gun ends up being a salvo that goes well into evening.
We think this prediction is the most outlandish. Chances are, in twelve months, it will still suck.
Our prediction for the future...